You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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