Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
