I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize