you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
