Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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