Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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