a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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