She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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