She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
