just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
