Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize