I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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