According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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