God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
