dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
