We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
