I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
