wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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