Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize