i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
