Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
