that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
this hospital has no fireball
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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