i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
