i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
