I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
