I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
