i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
