from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
