So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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