before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
