Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
