Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
as a side note pls kill me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
