if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
