It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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