Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Text me some of your sweat
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
