This is not my ceiling
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
