You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
