OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
