dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize