im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
