I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize