you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize