He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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