I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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