Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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