your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
