her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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