Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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