you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
