YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Found the puke drawer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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