You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
