and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
