you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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