Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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