The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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