did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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