I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
