I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
