I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
