you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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