I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
