I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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