I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
