Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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