Having a random hookup so left but love u
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
