Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
