just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
