You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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