How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize