Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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