So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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